I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
