my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Best friends brother. Beat that.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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