dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
nutella sex= disaster
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
