I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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