Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
