You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
