Taylor Swift is so right about you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
