I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
