i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
