thus making me awesome and them whores
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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