Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
