Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
