I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I supernannyed him into submission
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
