I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
