Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
