forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
