11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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