I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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