I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
