Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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