We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
