My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
