the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just want nice things and good sex
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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