You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize