saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
