A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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