He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
