I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
