Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
