don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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