She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
