why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
