Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
