My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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