watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
