I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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