I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
