Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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