Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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