FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
