dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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