dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Randomize
