matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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