Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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