btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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