...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
