Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
