I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
