i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
