Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
