Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
