i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
