Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
