is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
