The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He better not be in your backpack
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
