i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
