I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
