I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
