Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
