i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
