Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
