you would pick up someone in the library
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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