The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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