I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize