What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
