I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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