eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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