rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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