every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
