I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
