I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
