every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize