Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
wrigley field is MILF paradise
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
