We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
