no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
