I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
