I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
