finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize