I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
