i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
17 year olds will be the death of me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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