Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
