I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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