He disabled his match.com account in front of me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
