wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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