So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
