Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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