Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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