Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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