Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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