i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You work out of a Hotel?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
