I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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