he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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