Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Someone stole a lamp last night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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