Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Someone came in the potted fern
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
